Dear Justin Timberlake…
You really are my big hero. When you swing your hips and slide over the floor so the ladies at the front row faint, I know I should have gone for superstar instead of web developer.
That Michael Jackson dance-alike thing you’ve got going really works; just look at your huge fan base, all eager to be like you. Paparazzi follow every step you make, eager to tell the world about all the little things you’re up to.
This is why it surprises me that your website (justintimberlake.com) is using technology from 1996. How would it look if you walked around promoted something like the mullet haircut?! Having a website like yours is just like that, you’re promoting a technological mullet!
What’s even worse, some of your fans are following suit and use the same ideas for their fan sites, with technology that blocks access for many users, that prevent search engines for finding them, and that adds extra work for them when updating.
So, how do we solve this problem of yours? Well, there’s many options available. Let me tell you about my favorite:
Start by sneaking out of your fancy house. Make sure you avoid as many paparazzi as possible, but the idea is not to shake them all off. I’m sure you’re much more skilled in these areas than I am. Now, meet me somewhere with a computer that has an internet connection. You probably want to send me a plane ticket: I’m guessing Stockholm, Sweden is a bit too far away from you.
Anyway, the idea is that I will teach you what I know about web development right there. You get a free course from a famous blogger (oh well, semi-famous in small parts of Sweden). The languages used are not hard to learn, don’t worry about that, they are designed to be easy. You’re a smart guy, so I’m sure it will go smooth. After the first day you will know all about structuring your site, after a week you’ll be able to reconstruct your current site with modern technology. After that there’s no limit.
When you’ve mastered web development we’ll add a final twist. Accidentally, we’ll reveal what you’ve been up to for the few paparazzi that are still following you. The headlines will be huge: “Justin Timberlake learns secret web arts” and “New way to grow your fan base: Justin explains”. It will be great, and the media will go crazy! So, what do you think? Send me an e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org if you’re interested.
Or, you could just hire someone good (ask for web standards and accessibility)… But what fun would that be?
[Update: Sorry Justin, I’m not gay, this is just about web development ;)]